Trifling trifles

When we first moved back to England ten years ago I kept getting into trouble. We'd been in Spain for 17 years and I found the culture shock rather worse than moving to a new country in the first place - I felt that I ought to understand what was going on, but in many subtle ways I was worse than a stranger.

I was unfamiliar with the coins. Worse, I had a mental pricelist which hadn't allowed for all those years of inflation, so the prices of everything shocked me and I wasn't always able to keep my surprise to myself. I could see shopkeepers looking at me sideways and wondering where I had been confined... I couldn't work public telephones. It was many months before I thought to ask someone what those rows of short white lines on the road were. I had missed bypass protestors, militant feminism, a couple of waves of immigration, the demonisation of smokers, oh, lots of things. Taking an OU sociology course helped fill in some of the gaps, and after ten years I am fairly satisfied that I know what's going on, apart from in the popular music field, where I haven't even tried.

Until yesterday, that is. I don't do much in the way of overindulgence for Christmas, but I have promised to make and take a trifle for an extended family party on Sunday. So I took myself to Waitrose yesterday with a shopping list, having discovered that the only trifle component I had in stock was walnuts, which aren't exactly essential. Sponge fingers, madalenas (the Spanish alternative) fruit, custard, jelly, decorations, cream... All got, plus the stuff to make an Eton Mess for the non triflers, including, naturally, even more cream. Sherry could wait till Lidl for financial reasons.

Quite pleased with myself, I was, until later in the evening when I was reading an email chat list where a friend had posted a trifle recipe. And several other people had corrected/improved/suggested alternative recipes. Interesting, but I have my own plan. Then I noticed something odd - they all said "cream or elmlea". Isn't elmlea cream? Emlea is what I had purchased quite a lot of from the somewhat depleted display in Waitrose - there was own brand organic double cream or elmlea or nothing and I had chosen the latter, thinking it was a brand name. Well, of course it is, it's just that it's the brand name for a cream substitute, not the real thing. Invented in 1984, apparently, shortly after I left the country. Ah well, you live and learn. A new day, a new word, a new product. I shan't say anything, just hope no one notices.